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Satire

Smoke and Other Drugs

By Asmita Goyanka, Batch of 2017

This is not a rant.

This is a well thought, slightly debated exhortation of opinion, because you know what, I think we should all burst crackers. It’s not like we’re breathing clean air anyway. Good if we’ll get cancer, we can miss classes for a reason then. Hell, we should all get shots to induce the cancer if the post-Diwali air doesn’t do the trick.

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*Severe sarcasm, in case you missed it*

Listen, have you SEEN the college of late? I doubt it. I personally haven’t been able to see farther than half a meter ahead.

A friend asked me yesterday if the air really was smoke or has her new kajal made her eyes watery.

I met another one at the khokha. Both of us figured, with this kind of air,  if you’re not smoking cigarettes, you’re missing out.

Some other friend told me that he read somewhere that Delhi is the greenest city in the world. If our beloved Aam Aadmi’s tree census ever gets underway, maybe we’ll find out. Even then, if these stats are to be believed, imagine how extremely imprudent, reckless and uncivilized all of us must have to be to cause this kind of vision altering pollution in a city like Delhi.

Listen here, and I say this with utmost sincerity, no sarcasm whatsoever; go home and burst some crackers, drive your car around just for the heck of it, smoke cigarettes. Pollute the air till we’re all dead, because we’re we’re undeserving humans for doing this to our city even though we KNOW the consequences.

No, really. I’m dead serious.

*This part is a joke though.

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