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Satire

How To Get Work Done At The Admin

Note: the authoress does not take responsibility for any characters/place/events that have been written thusly. This is fiction and such instances are purely coincidental.

The NSIT admin is a picturesque place. A beautiful building, the very first piece of infrastructure you see, on entering the college. Surrounded by the scenic flowers and the lovely breeze, some might mistake it for a heavenly abode. But enter and ye shall find. Here’s a quick guide for the lost souls.

satire with text
By Allwin Tom, Batch of 2016

EXPERIMENT/RECIPE NO.1

Steps to get a duplicate Id-card made.

  1. Lose your present Id-card.
  2. Get an FIR made.The police chowki might send you on round trips to the admin.
  3. Go to the admin. Get stopped by the guard. Get in after a long unneeded explanation.
  4. Get shown to another room.
  5. Get shown to another, ‘another room’.
  6. Fill a form.
  7. Get shown to another room.
  8. Paste your photograph. Glue available at undisclosed location (figure-it-out exercise) . Get shown to another room.
  9. Submission ‘process’ starts. . Wait till employee finishes tea.
  10. Listen to how Misra ji’s daughter got married.
  11. Listen to the employee’s grocery list.
  12. Listen to how busy the employee is. Lose a few brain cells.
  13. Submit form.Hallelujah !
  14. Come to collect Id-card next day. Get shown to another room.
  15. Come to collect Id-card the next day. Listen to how busy employee is.
  16. Add a dash of weekends and pinch of Half-days.
  17. Come to collect Id-card the next day. Get shown to another employee.

  1. Come to collect Id-card after a few eras.
  2. Voila! Now lose it again for a wholesome experience.

 

EXPERIMENT/RECIPE NO.2

Steps to get an admit card.

Come to ask for admit card. Get told off.

Come again 2 weeks before exam again. Get told off.

Camp with basic necessities in front of the admin for admit card with other colleagues.

Voila!

Come back next semester for the new semester’s admit card. Repeat process about 8 times.

 

EXPERIMENT/RECIPE NO.3

Steps to get exam schedules/results on time.

You don’t.

These above mentioned steps may seem exaggerated to you. But the reality is much more brazen. But fear not, reader,  I have a solution to help you avoid a visit to  the psychiatrist after your admin trauma.

 

What to really do when at the Admin. (And fail miserably)

Be calm

When you stand there in line or run from one room to another, try to not pull your hair out or let out screams of agony. Take a deep breath and think of donuts. Keep calm and ride the admin wave.

 

Get some perspective from others

Understand their situation.  While you are free to run off to Sector Chaar or dear old parking lot (we don’t judge), they’re stuck with files and folders. Cut them some slack there.

 

Build a rapport

Stuck there listening to them rant away? Might as well join the delightful discourse. Ignite the hidden conversationalist in you and make some new/only friends. Will help you get your next Id-card a little quicker.

 

Treat the person with respect

Refrain from using &@&&# *&/! , $# *#&@^@/ and #&#&$&. Use the power of the beautiful mind and limit these to your head. Meanwhile keep a smile plastered on your face. Remember your practical vivas? Perfect.

 

Phrases/ actions not to be used

“Bhaiya, jaldi kardo.”

“I have a class also.”

“This is the fiftieth time I’ve come today!”

*rolls eyes*

 

Ignore

If the above don’t work for you, bring out the biggest weapon from your arsenal. Zone out like Barney Stinson and return to earth only when called.

 

Avenge yourself

Kill yourself and reincarnate as them. Sip tea while you make your grocery list. Give out an evil laugh.

 

You  are now fully prepared to face the admin Loch Ness.  This is your Riddikulus for the boggart, your ‘pitradeva sangrakshanam’ for the dementor, your Expelliarmus for the Avada Kedavra. Basically, you’re READY.

The authoress repeats, any coincidences that may have inadvertently become a part of this self presumed satire are genuinely unintentional. Any aggrieved/offended have her sincerest apologies. Also, she needs to collect her degree after (hopefully) a couple of years.

You make us stand in long, long lines,

And make us perpetually whine.

You make us wait, you make us wince,

Yet we’ll never stop loving the admin!

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