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Satire

How NOT to prepare early for exams

By Soumya Bisht, Batch of 2019

 

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Disclaimer : This article contains a heavy dose of sarcasm that is, but a reflection of the author’s incessant frustration. Readers are requested to proceed with utmost caution.

We, at NSIT, believe in the magical powers of our unofficial (here’s hoping this isn’t ‘illegal’) slogan, ‘agla exam phod denge’. The recently concluded midsems tested your endurance, and left you all kinds of exhausted in its wake. After the dreaded week, you have finally reached the level 2 of the violent game titled ‘Odd Semester’. Lucky for you, between the two exams that leave you questioning the purpose of your existence, you are provided with the longest period (extreme sarcasm to be noted) to rejuvenate and prepare for the next Spartan war. During these months, studying is to be rightfully exiled, at least till a fortnight before exams. The only interference of education in your life during this time is when you complete unnecessary assignments hoping to shine in your internals or when you are printing your practical files with yada-yada’s version 2.0.

For all other times, here are a few pointers on how NOT to prepare early for exams :

  1. Treat Thyself

Midsems ‘just’ got over. You have been grilled and endured sleepless nights of cramming highly filtered syllabus. Your books have garnered as much attention as they deserve and it is time they took a backseat. After exams, all you should care about is patting your hitherto hunched-over-textbooks back and splurging all the cash you saved during the midsem week. Open up that long-forgotten ‘places to visit’ link and check all the to-do’s off your list. Watch all the episodes of Narcos you’ve missed and call up old friends, because why not?

 

2.  NSIT: Where The World Interviews

You’d think that getting into the enormous number of societies would be a piece of cake. But at NSIT, we love our recruitment. The moment you fancy a society, you’re trapped in an endless cycle of discussions, interviews, and more interviews. Initially frustrating, it is actually a necessary therapy that cleanses you of all excess bakchodi and safely brings you back to the ground. These Personal Interviews are an amazing practice for that Google dream job. This way, you not only delay your exam preparations but also achieve high productivity levels while you’re at it.

 

3.  September is Followed by ‘Fest’ember

It is only after September that the famed DU circuit awakes from its slumber to embrace its reputation with fests aplenty. With Rendezvous, IIT-D’s ultimate fest, being the highlight, it is time to gear up for the real ‘feels’. Night-outs help you render two whole days useless and hence, are numero uno for adhering to the study-before-fortnight rule. If you are a part of a performing society, all the best, because you are going to be the epitome of delaying exam preparations.

 

4.  Contacts maketh a man

Society time and fest time is indispensable for you to establish contacts. If you have plenty already and have lost touch, what are you waiting for? Go grab your JIO sim and redefine the title ‘Chaep’.  Also, the weather is heavenly and it only makes sense for your class to plan a trip to the visual treats in Delhi, like the Hauz Khas Fort, for example. There will be absolutely nothing to accomplish at the place except getting yourself a new display picture, a ‘our-class-bonds-well’ Facebook post, and maybe a couple of Pokémons to catch. But then again, isn’t this life’s true meaning? By the end of all this, you would’ve established your prowess as a Mafioso with the best of contacts. And now, you can spend (waste) your time chatting up with these people, leading you up another step on the ladder of procrastination.

 

Should all these tips fail to delay your exam preparations till the very end, please counsel me. Teach me sensei because here I am, writing down random things, pointwise with proper subheadings for no reason. Whereas, I could have been studying for that Google job for which I practiced with the numerous PI’s.

 

Happy Procrastinating!

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