ARTWORK BY: Allwin Tom, Batch of 2016
AUTHOR: Soumya Bisht, Batch of 2019
Do you remember your first crush? Do you remember how you spent days in denial, telling yourself that you were too cool for that mainstream stuff?
And then, one fine day, you found yourself staring at him for a second longer than normal. Oh! How your heartbeats picked up pace when your name slipped past his oh-so-wonderful lips! And then, that same wretched heart totally gave out when he turned and smiled at you. That split second was all you needed to spin an entire book on “101 possible happy-endings with him”. And all he said was, “Thanks, by the way”.
Remember how you brushed away that tiny voice at the back of your mind reminding you that he totally didn’t qualify the “gentleman-I-would-date” criterion. He spoke rubbish but you didn’t see that! Really? You saw through it. You built your fairytale around the belief that it was all a façade and underneath, he was YOUR prince charming disguised as the Beast — or the frog, whichever you prefer.
And then weeks later, you found yourself singing good ol’ love songs, wishing you would accidentally collide in the school corridors, smiling more often and blushing at random moments. Why? Oh right! You just remembered how he made the perfect eye contact during math class! And how you just wanted to go, hug him and ruffle his hair just for the thrill of it. And maybe a tiny peck on his lips would have been good too. Why, that would be really nice, thankyou.
Soon, you walked on clouds and danced on the moon and need I mention how you those stars reflected so well in your eyes? Everything was yours (including the treasure chest of clichés) and you were his.
You do remember feeling he was the most amazing thing to have ever happened to you. Like, on the same level of Titanic, if not above. He brought out the best in you… he made you love life a little more.
So, what if the changes brought along regular daydreaming and zoning-out sessions? So, what if your best friend told you that you were being insensitive to her problems?
He was your cotton candy and you were his MnM’s…
Oh! I’m sorry! What was your friend saying, again?
Days were about dreaming and nights were… about dreaming as well.
You figured he was your soul mate. Like all the signs were there! Plus, you read online how yours and his’ were the most compatible zodiac signs.. and so, there’s no point in questioning, right ? Right? …
I hate to turn our beautiful conversation into a post-breakup song by dearest Taylor Swift, but do you remember how your young adult romance movie lasted only for a week? Two weeks? Well then, hats off to you because you got ‘some’ commitment.
Do you remember how you went to sleep reminding yourself that your youngest child would be called “Jack” and not “Joe” and you mentally enacted that tiny argument you shall have with him on that issue and it would all end with a kiss on the forehead and an “Anything you wish for, darling” statement from him ?
Remember how you opened your eyes next morning and mid-brushing-your-teeth realized how your first thought today hadn’t been about him? The panic set in soon. Was your crush fading away? Was he not your soul mate? But how were you going to unravel the mysteries that had kept his true self hidden from you? How were you going to say “I love you too!”, when he’d propose to you? What about the time you had invested in this crazy endeavor?
You took in deep breaths and tried to reassure yourself how it shall all go back to ‘normal’ the moment you would set your eyes on him again.
You went to class. You accidentally brushed your hand with his’. You saw him smile at you. But you, my dear, didn’t even find the smell of his perfume comforting anymore. It was just another regular smell. You’d much rather inhale the aroma of a large pepperoni pizza back home. His hair had lost its lustre. Why, it looked like it was made of jute, if anything else. You found him unnecessarily rude and his ‘wicked ‘ sense of humour had turned sinister. “Hey! You look nice today”, he says. “Don’t I always? Thanks, by the way”.
Thus ended your pretty little perfect love story and you finally read that old message from your friend, had a much overdue cone of chocolate icecream and drooled over Leonardo DiCaprio’s hot body again.
Everything was back. And everything was normal. Oh, and do you remember your second crush?…
I may not have watched any action movie yet, but these emotions of mine? Yeah, well they happen to be huge fan girls of the Hulk and so, cause maximum destruction once unleashed. Did you see my emotions today? No? Well, lucky you! Because as far as I know, my emotions are the buddies that won’t leave me ever. I am going to keep falling in and out of ‘Crush-dom’. It is painful and my sappy-old heart has a secret vendetta against me. But you know what the best part about this is?
Every time I fall out of ‘love’, I see people the way they are and realise their importance in my life. More than that, I get to analyze how important I am for myself. There is no point in proving my worth to someone else. I and my emotions will finally come to terms with this little fact eventually. Till then, each experience will continue to mould me into a better person.
There will be a day when I’ll see my Prince Charming stuck on a tree and I will climb that tree and laugh at his sorry face without giving a thought about what he thinks of the twig stuck in my hair. And guess what? He is going to like me back for who I am.