By Pranay Bora, Batch of 2021
It might not be considered as a breaking news anymore but at long last, the bill converting NSIT into a university has been passed. Everyone everywhere is raising toasts to celebrate (excluding the next wave of students deprived of a degree from the University of Delhi, the current batch which has to deal with the Pandora’s box opened by this transition and the alumni as they watch all the reputation that they’ve worked tirelessly to build over the years crumble to dust.) There were several naysayers, who never believed this bill would pass in their lifetime. Many seemingly weird questions have also surfaced over time. “Do we need such a bill? Why doesn’t the fountain work? Wasn’t the institute already well funded to have completely overhauled itself by now? Why do they keep tearing down anything which gets constructed and then rebuild it worse somehow?” The truth is that NSIT has just had its namkaran and in these final moments of this institute, there’s only one thought in all of our minds, ‘Let’s Make NSIT Great Again’.
All for One and One for All
Are you plagued by sleepless nights and stressful days due to short attendance? Have you been detained due to absolutely no fault of your own? Do you believe that everyone on Earth exists to serve a specific purpose? If you’ve answered yes to all three questions, then you are the chosen one. The hero we need but don’t deserve, that goes down taking one for the team. I mean literally goes down, like going down a building. Just don’t forget to leave a note behind blaming the “real culprit” and explaining the reasons for your misery. If that’s too much to ask, you can always nudge someone but remember, the note! One person is all it takes to start a revolution and take any system down. One sacrifice will end the suffering of many writhing in this hell of a system.
The Sacred Pool of Tears
An architectural marvel that spouts water streams up into the air for mostly decorative purposes and is a giant middle finger to areas facing water crisis, the dysfunctional fountain is one of the greatest urban legends of NSIT. Some say drunk students took a piss in there, while some speak of a lore suggesting that secrets nobody should ever uncover are buried beneath it. The one I like to believe is that the fountain didn’t contain regular water, but tears of the preceding batches collected over decades. It is said that merely a single dunk absolved you of all academic sins i.e. every back ever. However, the new administration didn’t have the best interests of students at heart and had it drained. The fountain is being rebuilt after almost a decade, and I just hope that it starts functioning again so I can test out this myth for myself. Not sure if it’ll work without the tears though. (Quick tip: Getting expelled from the college automatically means no backs.)
The earth loses 18.7 million acres of forests per year ascribable to large-scale deforestation. Apparently, our campus was not accounted into this statistic. Here at NSIT, we got 99 problems but deforestation ain’t one. We don’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white, mosquito or a snake, or even a monitor lizard, everyone is provided safe haven here. There have been rumours around the campus that with the commencement of the next academic session, college will offer safari rides on e-rickshaws, a diploma in wildlife exploration, and an honours course in experimental Zoology.
Drag Me Down
Eavesdrop on any clique, and the one topic which you’ll never fail to hear will be about how ineffectual the faculty is and how everyone is slogging it out for the sake of a degree. No matter how much of a task it is to drag yourself to boring lectures, if you get detained, it feels eerily similar to getting bit by a snake at 99 in Snakes and Ladders. How I wish I could just get the degree and leave because nobody is learning anything anyway. Coincidentally, I recently discovered the “Pass by Catastrophe” rule which proposes that in case of a catastrophic event, students whose performance could have been affected by the event automatically graduate with a bachelor’s degree. Just to make it clear, I’m not inciting anyone to commit arson. I just want every student to know how to save their souls!
Hole In One
Given the number of open manholes present within the campus, it’s astonishing nobody took the fall yet. More accurately, someone important hasn’t fallen in yet. Maybe a human hasn’t because I’m sure if an inspection takes place, at least one dead dog or cat will be found in one of those. Some animals have poor vision too, you know! I’m convinced that until some India TV reporter comes in to document (but not help a kid trapped in a manhole for days), there won’t be any real change. Now the real question is, who is willing to voluntarily donate their kid to this noble cause?
There’s no denying the fact that, ‘Make America Great Again’, the slogan made infamous by the Trump campaign during the 2016 US presidential elections, is now a pop cultural phenomenon. After witnessing the recent policy changes made by the new administration, this iconic slogan has now been reduced to a meme that not even Jimmy Fallon can find humour in anymore. I hope that the students try to follow the path illuminated by this article and not let our super original slogan ‘Make NSIT Great Again’ (that definitely is not a parody of any slogan) ever become a meme.